Ugh. I'm getting that overwhelmed I-can't-do-it-all-but-I-want-to feeling again. As a new wife, so often I find myself wanting to be good at all things "wifely." At this stage in my life, there are so many amazing opportunities, dreams and well, just plain things to learn.
Sometimes, as I'm talking with other women my age, or reading my daily dose of bogs, or checking out the latest Real Simple magazine, I get so excited with inspiration, motivation and ideas I feel like I might burst.
"Oh, I can clean my fridge in 10 minutes or less and whip up a perfect meal just by cleaning out my pantry!" or "She's doing swiss chard in their garden, I probably should too. What the heck is swiss chard again?" And "Look how she just built that table for $25, I probably should build one for our house!" (Yikes, even I knew that wasn't a good idea after I thought it. Laura + Saw + Hammer = Blood and Gore.)
But as I dig into these great ideas and actually attempt to carry one or two of them out, I begin to lose much of the joy I started out with. I put my nose to the grindstone, researching, studying and learning about all these seemingly great things, that are supposed to make me more efficient, more productive - and more loved, adored and appreciated by Mike.
Instead, I become frustrated, unhappy and critical of myself and ultimately of Mike when he doesn't notice "how great I am to him - that lucky dog!"
A friend of mine said it best in a post she wrote a couple of days ago:
"What good is a mopped floor if it comes with a side of critical spirit? Or clean sheets if it is accompanied with a mopey wife? I am learning that Matt [her husband] does not necessarily want to enter a house smelling of Pine Sol and dinner (and definitely not a dinner of Pine Sol), but a house FILLED with grace, understanding, joy and patience!"
Couldn't have said it better myself. I'll never be Wonder Woman or super-wife - I'll always just be me. And though there is much value in consistently working on my talents and skills, if it comes at the cost of my attitude, heart and thoughts, it's not worth it. So, I've now reigned in my ambitions and am working instead on finding a balance between learning new things and giving in to the fact that it's okay if I don't know all the in's and out's of all "wifely things" in my first year of marriage. Then, the overwhelmed "I-can't-do-it-all-but-I-want-to" feeling is replaced with a much more bearable "I-can't-do-it-all-and-I-don't-want/need-to-because-it-turns-me-into-a-crazy-woman/wife-and-that's-not-good-for-anyone-so-just-put-your-feet-up-and-shut-up-Laura" feeling.
Ahhh, much better.
But before I sign off, I must ask - what the heck is swiss chard again?